I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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