WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
