Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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