P.S. I can't hear my feet
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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