I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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