why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
