That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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