No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
