The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
