don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
