i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
