is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
