remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
