I love black thongs
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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