wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
