this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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