i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am mentally ready for anal.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
