She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
