heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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