Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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