Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
