Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
