im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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