Redeem this text for a blowjob
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
