He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Still dying that you shit outside
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
