i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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