End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
do nipples grow back?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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