Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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