my soul wont recognize me after tonight
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
