your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You left your underwear on the fireplace
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
