i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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