yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
