So drunk, too bad you don't want this
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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