You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
