Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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