No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
