u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
