I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
