I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
