In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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