I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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