butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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