I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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