Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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