In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
