im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Everything about him screamed your future.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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