My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
