There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
