failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
