i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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