Having a random hookup so left but love u
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
