so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
