tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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