I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
